Marriage Counseling Alternative | Free Marriage Advice: Tips, tools and free marriage advice to save your marriage when nothing else works.

A Marriage Counseling Alternative – Over 40 Years Experience

What Can a Couple Married Over 40 Years Teach You About Being Happy and Fulfilled in Your Marriage?

I rarely make endorsements. If I do, it has to be something I’m sure would be a help to you and I’ve recently come across someone who CAN help. They’re called Marriage Team.

Al and Autumn Ray from Marriage TeamMarriage Team has trained their own ‘army’ of happily married couples to coach unhappily married couples on how to feel safe with each other and ultimately enjoy each other through a 12 week coaching system.

I’m sure you’ve heard of marriage counselors and marriage mentors but you might not be familiar with marriage coaches. The couple that made Marriage Team possible, Alan and Autumn Ray, have been married over 40 years! They now have over 150 of these marriage coaching couples who make a difference in the lives of other struggling couples everyday.

Their organization can be found at http://www.marriageteam.org.

If you are fortunate enough to have a spouse who wants to work on your marriage with you, and you can spare just 2 hours a week for 8-12 weeks, you will be able to experience what it’s like to have a happier and safer relationship – like the way things were when you first met when no subjects were “off limits”.

Here’s how their system works…

Your coaching couple will not tell you what to do, but instead, they will show you how to discover what specific things you’ll WANT to do for each other.  A good thing about Marriage Team’s coaching process is there is no bad guy and no review of past negatives.

What happens when you and your spouse participate in the coaching process is summed up in a little book they wrote titled “Rick and Jane Learn to Listen and Talk”. The book uses cartoons so it’s a really friendly, easy read.  I’ve personally never seen a couples-based marriage system that is this positive and builds up your self image too.

I would highly encourage you to contact Al and Autumn Ray at MarriageTeam.org and request a copy of “Rick and Jane Learn to Listen and Talk”.  It would be an easy way of introducing the two of you to this very positive process called marriage coaching.  It certainly can’t hurt, it can only help.

I’m such a fan of Al and Autumn Ray and the work they are doing with couples, that I recently conducted a 1-hour interview with them so you can hear what they are like and why coaching is usually a better answer for most struggling couples than counseling.

You can download and listen to my interview with Alan and Autumn Ray here:

Radio interview Part 1
Radio interview Part 2

Since Marriage Team is a nonprofit organization, the very low price of $160 helps them cover their costs to help you for up to 12 weeks.

That’s an amazing price for up to 24 hours of live, positive, interactive marriage help from a professionally trained coaching couple!

If you don’t immediately decide to get a coaching couple in your lives, I suggest you at least contact MarriageTeam.org to get their book.

– Larry –

Has Your Spouse Reached The Point Of No Return?

If the two of you have been struggling in your marriage for months or even years, a box of chocolates or flowers for your wife won’t cut it when the resentment from an affair or other events in the past are driving a wedge between you.

A loving card with a hand-written note expressing your love for your husband is not the answer to an endless amount of unresolved issues that have caused the two of you to become more like roommates than husband and wife.

If your marriage is a constant uphill “battle”, riddled with confusion, frustration and resentment, I strongly suggest you identify how close your spouse is to “The Point Of No Return”.

My Point Of No Return” video help you understand the 6 stages ALL unhappy spouses travel before they reach The Point Of No Return.

Because studies have shown that women file about 80% of divorces, I created this video for men, but women will learn a lot from this video too.

The video is just over 8 minutes long, so take a few moments out of your day today to watch the very important message in this video.

Here’s what one man had to say after watching the video:

“Larry that was the most amazing video about marriage. I want some royalty from this, as it was and is my life with my wife. Unfortunately, its too late as she and I may have crossed the snap line. Nonetheless, great work and I hope other Men watch this as every marriage is worth saving especially when children are involved.”
Best Regards,
Bob G.

=====> Discover How Close Your Spouse Is To The Point Of No Return

After you watch the video, there are 2 paths you can take towards restoring your marriage.

1) If your spouse HAS reached The Point Of No Return…

Submit your Second Chance story here and my assistant Kristen will contact you to arrange a complementary 30 minute consultation where you and I can discuss over the phone what happened in your marriage and what you can do about it.

Not everyone has what it takes to save their marriage alone, so we will also discuss whether my Environment Changer program (where individual spouses can save their marriage alone) is right for you.

2) If your spouse has NOT reached The Point Of No Return…

If your spouse has NOT YET reached The Point Of No Return, you need to do something NOW, before it’s too late. So instead of wasting your money on the same old trivial Valentine’s Day gifts like flowers or chocolates, why not show your spouse you’re SERIOUS about restoring your original love and take the first step towards a whole new life?

You can do this through the Marriage 101, the live, 60 minute interactive phone call where the two of you will:

- Gain a sense of NEW HOPE for your formerly hopeless marriage.

(The insights taught within Marriage 101 will give you a new sense of hope for your future together because I will show you, and PROVE to you, that your marriage is not as bad as you might think it is. Rather than attending a marriage counseling session and leaving feeling frustrated and angry, after our call together the two of you will have had FUN together – maybe even for the first time in months.)

- No longer struggle for words to express how you want to be treated.

(Instead of fumbling around searching for words to express how you want your spouse to treat you, Marriage 101′s Flag Page outlines a clear and definite plan on EXACTLY HOW and WHY each of you want to be treated a certain way.)

- SIGNIFICANTLY reduce the amount of arguments in your marriage.

(During our call together, the two of you will discover that very often you are quite literally “stepping on” each others’ ways of succeeding in life! You know WHY you’re offended by something your spouse does or says…but you don’t know why…UNTIL NOW!)

Is Marriage 101 right for everyone?

Marriage 101 is NOT for you if...

Your spouse has filed for divorce and now sees divorce as the only option
You have little to no communication with your spouse and s/he is unwilling to consider saving the marriage as an option

Marriage 101 IS for you if…

The two of you have tried marriage counseling, but ended up more frustrated than ever
You both want to make the marriage work, but just aren’t sure what to do or how to do it
One or both of you have engaged in affairs, but now want to rebuild the trust and fix your marriage

Sign up today at:

http://www.fulfilledcouple.com/marriage101

The #1 Crucial Factor That Determines The Success Or Failure Of Your Marriage

Since women file the majority of divorces, most of the individuals I work with in saving their marriage are men. And for years now I’ve heard these men say this phrase about their wives: “This is not the girl I married.” What these men are talking about is the mother of their children, their wife of five, ten, twenty years!

As you may or may not already know, I’m a Chaos Kid. Today I work with all kinds of troubled couples and have found a pattern in marriages that’s undeniable.

Chaos to purpose scaleAnd today I’m going to reveal this pattern that determines the success or failure of your marriage through some real-life examples that give you a peak into both a successful marriage, and a troubled marriage where one man married a Chaos Kid.

If you’re not familiar with what it means to be a Chaos Kid, it all starts by understanding the Chaos To Purpose Scale (shown at left). This is a scale that gives people a way to locate how their childhood was, from the worst (Chaos) to the best of homes (Purpose).

We’re looking at your childhood particularly between the ages of ten and under. It’s a fact that little kids under the age of ten want to feel important. In fact, we’re born with that built in desire, but the house we’re “dropped into” is not our choice.

Unhappy childSo if you’re born into an abusive home where your father constantly criticized you, or your parents neglected your emotional and physical needs, or they were paranoid and fearful people who always predicted disaster, or a multitude of ways to NOT raise a child, then you might be a Chaos Kid.

There are so many WRONG ways to raise a child and it’s in “Chaos homes” where these troubled children (thus troubled adults) are raised. Chaos homes are created when parents who never dealt with their own Chaos childhoods, raise their own children…only to give them the same treatment THEY were given as a child, and most important, the parents have no idea they are doing it.

At 100% is the Purpose Home where mom and dad enjoy each other and are tough but fair with the kids. They take an interest in each child which causes those kids to feel important and valuable.

It’s in those first ten years of a child’s life that programs are installed on how to live. These are the set of “brain instructions” that establish the definition of “Normal”. These massive collections of do’s and don’ts will be the core engine that tells that adult the “Normal” way to deal with any and every issue for the rest of their lives.

In the case of a child raised in a Purpose Home, they will naturally and unconsciously gravitate towards successful choices in marriage, social life, career and its proven historically time after time with few exceptions. After all, success is expected and simply “Normal”.

I was a Chaos Kid who married a Chaos Kid. It’s this reason that I lived 27 years in marriage hell but then fell in love with my wife in the 28th year and we’re happier than ever, continuously married 34 years.

It was during that time in “marriage hell” that I uncovered the solution to repairing the damage I received from growing up in a Chaos home and turning my life into something with purpose rather than continued chaos.

It’s much simpler than psychologists would have us believe. I built my Fulfilled Couple marriage course on what therapists and brain scientists know but can’t explain to the rest of us.

I’ve made it possible for both spouses to learn how to eliminate their negative feelings in 60 seconds and become independent of their Chaos Kid programs to make choices that are clearly their own.

In order to make my case, let me share some real-life stories with you.

What follows are the brief summary points of two couples. The Day’s and the Rogers.

The first summary is taken from Mr. Day’s story about his marriage to a Chaos Kid. His wife was raised low on the Chaos side of the scale and their marriage is hopeless and quickly crumbling.

The second summary is taken from Mr. Rogers and his wife’s Jenae’s review of their lives from their Christmas letter to family members. This is an important summary since they were raised in Purpose homes.

Remember that the Purpose home is the one led by reasonable, rational adults with a purpose of raising great kids who become great adults.

A Chaos home is a place that is not set up to nurture or build up children.

Unhappy marriageHere’s a quick summary of Mr. Day’s marriage to a Chaos Kid…

  • We were married for 12 years.
  • Wife stated she could not deal with the stress of our 2 children, yet we had a third.
  • Our son was born -discovered he had severe birth defects.
  • I fell apart – caused me to emotionally withdraw from my wife.
  • I had hurt my wife with my withdrawal. –more doctors, more surgeries.
  • Wife developed obsessive compulsive traits and anxieties.
  • But then wife started to show interest in me –said she needed to keep her man.
  • Her anxiety and panic attacks reduced -she needed and received medication.
  • She created a support group for Catholic families with children of special needs.
  • I was proud of her –I took care of our kids so she could volunteer.
  • Then she had to get off of her medication.
  • We saw her anxiety and anger return.
  • Constantly on her computer from early to late at night.
  • Our kids told me mommy spent most of the day on the computer.
  • I handled all of the chores at night and spent time with the kids until bed.
  • Computer became her life.
  • When we came near her room she asked us to leave, hiding the screen.
  • She took the computer into the bathroom as well.
  • She started going to concerts with female friends – went out 1 or 2 times a week
  • She told me she no longer loved me and wanted to separate.
  • She stopped going to communion and church – stated that she hated God.
  • My wife avoided me completely.
  • She did not spend time with the children during the day.
  • She went to Europe with girl friends for 2 week vacation.
  • On vacation, she said she enjoyed being away from me, realized how much she hated me.
  • On return she avoided me – stated I needed to move out –she would file for divorce.
  • Our state requires a year of separation- she did not wait.
  • She flew to a US territory where a one week stay completed the divorce.
  • She was angry, spiteful and verbally abusive to me.
  • Her explanation is it’s all my fault because I fell apart when our son was born.
  • She lost weight – changed her diet completely -wearing tightest jeans and t-shirts
  • She went back to college.
  • The kids were put in public schools.
  • I cook, clean, care for kids nights and weekends.
  • She stated she will be single forever –she thanked me for ruining her life.

Now contrast the Day’s marriage with this…(two adults raised in purpose driven households)

Here’s a quick summary of Geoff and Jenae Rodgers’ marriage – from their family Christmas season letter.

  • Happy MarriageJenae quit her job to take over administrative work in our family business.
  • She now works full time in our family business as well as part time in dental work.
  • We continue to minister to couples all throughout the year.
  • It has been exciting to bring hope to struggling marriages.
  • We accepted a role with a marriage organization to oversee their video presenter program.
  • We’re excited to see how God will use our passion and skills.
  • Our kids are in 3rd and 4th grade and enjoying it.
  • Kylie sings in the school choir, takes ballet, is doing a program called peer mediator, is doing well in school and excited about everything.
  • Our Gabe is doing well in school, involved in student council, represents his 3rd grade class, busy in baseball and soccer.
  • Jenae trained all year and ran the Portland Marathon and felt really great about it.
  • She was well prepared and finished in her best time yet.
  • Geoff and the kids have also been running this fall.
  • We hope our family and friends will take time to reflect on the true meaning of the season and enjoy time with family.

The contrast between the Day’s and the Rogers is stark.

The Day’s start out with a normal life, but then troubles begin and the couple has no idea how to stop the grand and traumatic rush into chaos that will affect their children negatively for a lifetime.

Geoff and Jenae Rogers on the other hand, were raised by two sets of reasonable, rational and moral parents. They were raised without extremes that push children’s brain formation to build that Chaos Engine that is unleashed in adult life right when a couple faces major marriage challenges.

What separates the Day’s and the Rogers? It’s not a fluke. It’s a dependable FACT.

Your first ten years determines the health of your marriage.

Throughout my 15 years of working with couples, I have never seen a troubled marriage with two adults who grew up in Purpose Driven homes.

WARNING: This will apply to YOUR children’s lives and marriage as well. If you’re thinking about giving up on your marriage and turning to divorce, this will have a SIGNIFICANT impact on your children’s lives…especially if your children are highly sensitive and emotional.