Whenever I encounter someone who is looking for specific “how to” action oriented marriage advice, I always tell them to go sign up for Mort Fertel’s FREE newsletter because Mort has some really solid material on this type of information that involves “what to DO and SAY” when your marriage is in trouble.

All of Mort’s teachings and programs have my absolute HIGHEST recommendation because not only are they completely in line with all the concepts that I teach, but I have personally spoken to NUMEROUS men and women who have gone through his programs and gained a sense of relief in their marriage as a result.

(This, coming from someone who generally doesn’t recommend other people in the marriage help business.)

If you’ve read any of the articles I’ve published on the web, you know that I developed my programs and teachings based on the insights I used to transform my own (formerly) miserable marriage of 27 years.

And much like myself, saving marriages is also something very personal for Mort.

But I’ll let Mort tell you his story in his own words below through the following article written by Mort himself.

This way, you’ll have a chance to “sample” some of his teachings for yourself and understand where Mort’s unique motivation for helping couples really comes from. (HINT: It’s NOT a textbook!)

A SURPRISING SOLUTION TO YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS

If you’re reading an article about how to improve your marriage, you’re probably expecting to learn problem-solving strategies, communication techniques, and insights about gender differences. Do I have a SURPRISE for you!

The key to renewing your marriage is none of those things.

How do I know this? Because I experienced it!

Hi, my name is Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness, and unlike other relationship experts who approach the topic from a clinical perspective, for me marriage renewal is very personal. I’d like to share with you my story.

My wife and I started out deeply in love. I remember staying up all night talking, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to each other in code words. You know the feeling of really being connected? That was us.

But then something happened that destroys most marriages. We had a son who died when he was just one week old. And then we had twin daughters, who also died as newborns.

Understandably, my wife became depressed. I coped by immersing myself in work. We ran from each other emotionally.

Your situation probably was not so tragic, but something happened. What was it? How did you lose each other? Maybe you can’t put your finger on it, but things just aren’t the same, right?

For us, after losing 3 children, everything felt different. Instead of talking all night, it was a chore to talk for a few minutes. Instead of using our code words, we used curse words. Our relationship consisted of screaming matches and silent treatments.

Somewhere deep in our heart though, like you, we knew we didn’t want to lose each other. So we made a commitment to work on our marriage. Sometimes I tried and my wife didn’t. Sometimes my wife tried and I didn’t. We went through different stages of “trying.”

What did we try?

We tried the obligatory, “Honey, let me repeat what you said to make sure I understood you correctly.” We applied conflict resolution strategies. My wife learned about Mars and I learned about Venus. We even went to therapy to wrestle with our problems. But guess what. Nothing changed. Nothing worked.

All the advice we got (books, counselors, CD’s, whatever) asked us to face our problems. But that just made us feel worse. And fight more.

Then we had a breakthrough.

We decided to SET ASIDE OUR PROBLEMS and try to CONNECT with each other.

We used “POSITIVE relationship exercises” that transformed our marriage. Not only did we resolve our differences, we fell in love again! And we did it—not by dealing with our problems (as serious as they were)—but by establishing HEALTHY HABITS that brought positive energy to our relationship.

This is the solution to most marital situations! Believe it or not, the secret is to STEP AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS and SPEND YOUR TIME AND ENERGY building your relationship through POSITIVE ACTIONS.

It’s counter intuitive, but if you strengthen your relationship, most of your problems will dissipate and what remains of them can be more easily resolved in a safer, softer, and more forgiving marital environment.

Before you deal with your problems, you first have to build good will with each other.

If your marriage is stressed, do NOT tackle your problems. If your timing is off, trying to solve problems with your spouse will damage your marriage and make it LESS LIKELY that you’ll ever find resolution.

If you have lower-back problems, sometimes the solution is to do sit-ups. Strengthening one part of your body can heal another. Your marriage works in a similar way.

Now you can see why my system for relationship renewal, Marriage Fitness, is fundamentally different from any other approach to relationship success. It’s not about conflict-resolution or communication skills because these are NOT the key to renewing a marriage. The key is NOT to fix what’s wrong. The key is to make new things right.

And there are, in fact, specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to make things right in your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.

Marriage Fitness offers you a step-by-step system to make and maintain love in your marriage. The program works for any marriage even if only one spouse does it. And the best news is that you don’t have to dig into your past, dredge up your problems, or practice communication techniques. This is not marriage counseling; it’s Marriage Fitness.

CLICK HERE to receive the FREE breakthrough report “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage,” a FREE confidential marriage assessment, and FREE information about the Marriage Fitness system of relationship renewal.

Warm regards,

Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach

I hope this article has helped to “open your eyes” about what most marriage counselors actually ADVISE you to do - FOCUS on your problems.

Focusing on your problems will only bring you…that’s right…MORE problems. The key is pursuing marriage EDUCATION so you can start doing positive things for your marriage.

I strongly suggest you take a moment and sign up for Mort’s free report and e-help series that includes some of the following insights:

* 5 marriage assessments
* “I love you but I’m not IN LOVE with you.”
* How to get your spouse to change
* How to get over the past (and past the hurt)
* How to stop a divorce
* How to avoid a separation
* How to spoil their affair
* How to increase your marriage IQ
* How to forgive and be forgiven
* And 35 other marriage crisis solutions

Once again, you can sign up for that e-help series HERE.

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When your marriage is in trouble, every second that goes by is a moment your spouse could be slipping away from you both emotionally and physically.

You need a way to reverse the effects of what happened in your marriage to bring you to the point where you find yourself now - and you need it fast.

And of all the different methods and concepts I teach, over the years I’ve found that the Invisible Lifestyle is by far the most eye-opening of all to couples.

So today I’d like to share this free video I created that will help you pick up the pieces of your relationship and create a much deeper partnership with your spouse.

But this time, you’ll be looking at your spouse in a whole new light because you’ll understand WHY…your spouse is so sensitive to yelling, WHY…your spouse gets upset when you spend money, or WHY….your spouse hates conflict so much.

Whatever your “hot button” issues are, you need to uncover the SOURCE of these issues instead of dealing with the SYMPTOMS.

This video will show you how…

Why You Fight: Discover Your Invisible Lifestyle Today

If the video below WILL NOT play on your computer, CLICK HERE to download the video to your computer. (Right click on the link and then choose save as.)

This should resolve that issue, but please allow the video enough time to download because it is a large file.

If you have any questions about the video, please post them in the “share your feedback with Larry” comment section right under this post and I will personally respond to them.

Now what you might need right now is some direction about what to do and what to say to your spouse. These “outward actions” are not what my main focus is all about.

I focus on internal teachings like eliminating your negative feelings and uncovering the hidden programs from your childhood that are causing the two of you to clash in everyday life. Because that’s my focus, I don’t spend much time on marriage techniques and advice.

But there is one person who DOES focus on outward, behavior based teachings like what to do in various situations or what to say - and nobody teaches this better than Mort Fertel.

Because Mort’s teaching style and beliefs about marriage are very similar to my own, I often suggest that my own students subscribe to Mort’s newsletter and go through his courses since they are so complementary to my programs and teachings.

And that’s why I want you to take a close look at what Mort Fertel is doing in the marriage how-to department.

If you’re not familiar with Mort, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marriage.

Mort’s program is called Marriage Fitness and like me, he has a version for couples and a version for one spouse who wants to learn when their spouse is not willing to participate.

The Marriage Fitness program is built on a uniquely structured Tele-Boot Camp where couples and individual spouses talk about marriage issues over conference calls on a monthly basis.

Mort’s method is to get people focused on filling themselves with positive activity and ideas and I absolutely endorse that.

The Marriage Fitness approach has been featured in Family Circle, Psychology Today and the Ladies Home Journal.

In addition to a great deal of media attention, Mort’s program has been endorsed by marriage counselors, therapists and relationship experts including John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus, and Dr. Stephen Covey, author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

But above all else, Mort has helped save thousands of marriages.

I sincerely believe that the techniques Mort teaches and his how-to advice about building a strong marriage is a perfect fit whether you want to be the one who leads your spouse as an example or if both of you are working together to restore your marriage.

Mort’s Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp includes 7 Tele-Seminars, a 15 CD home learning system, 3 open mike Q&A teleconferences a 1-on-1 private phone session with Mort himself and more.

I strongly suggest you have a look at the solutions Mort Fertel has created for struggling couples (and individuals) just like you.

As a first step in learning about Mort Fertel, I’d highly encourage you to sign up for Mort’s FREE email series to discover more ways to turn your marriage around. Along with the free email series, you’ll also receive a FREE relationship assessment, no strings attached.

So right now, take a moment to follow this link and sign up for Mort’s FREE email series.

Over 100,000 people a year subscribe to his free e-zine which is a good indication of the quality of content he delivers.

Hopefully you will pursue some of the options I’ve outlined for you today in this post instead of giving up hope on your marriage prematurely. Far too often, couples give up hope on their family when their spouse hasn’t reached their “breaking point” yet.

Don’t let this happen to you.

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Since women file the majority of divorces, most of the individuals I work with in saving their marriage are men. And for years now I’ve heard these men say this phrase about their wives: “This is not the girl I married.” What these men are talking about is the mother of their children, their wife of five, ten, twenty years!

As you may or may not already know, I’m a Chaos Kid. Today I work with all kinds of troubled couples and have found a pattern in marriages that’s undeniable.

And today I’m going to reveal this pattern that determines the success or failure of your marriage through some real-life examples that give you a peak into both a successful marriage, and a troubled marriage where one man married a Chaos Kid.

If you’re not familiar with what it means to be a Chaos Kid, it all starts by understanding the Chaos To Purpose Scale (shown at left). This is a scale that gives people a way to locate how their childhood was, from the worst (Chaos) to the best of homes (Purpose).

We’re looking at your childhood particularly between the ages of ten and under. It’s a fact that little kids under the age of ten want to feel important. In fact, we’re born with that built in desire, but the house we’re “dropped into” is not our choice.

So if you’re born into an abusive home where your father constantly criticized you, or your parents neglected your emotional and physical needs, or they were paranoid and fearful people who always predicted disaster, or a multitude of ways to NOT raise a child, then you might be a Chaos Kid.

There are so many WRONG ways to raise a child and it’s in “Chaos homes” where these troubled children (thus troubled adults) are raised. Chaos homes are created when parents who never dealt with their own Chaos childhoods, raise their own children…only to give them the same treatment THEY were given as a child, and most important, the parents have no idea they are doing it.

At 100% is the Purpose Home where mom and dad enjoy each other and are tough but fair with the kids. They take an interest in each child which causes those kids to feel important and valuable.

It’s in those first ten years of a child’s life that programs are installed on how to live. These are the set of “brain instructions” that establish the definition of “Normal”. These massive collections of do’s and don’ts will be the core engine that tells that adult the “Normal” way to deal with any and every issue for the rest of their lives.

In the case of a child raised in a Purpose Home, they will naturally and unconsciously gravitate towards successful choices in marriage, social life, career and its proven historically time after time with few exceptions. After all, success is expected and simply “Normal”.

I was a Chaos Kid who married a Chaos Kid. It’s this reason that I lived 27 years in marriage hell but then fell in love with my wife in the 28th year and we’re happier than ever, continuously married 34 years.

It was during that time in “marriage hell” that I uncovered the solution to repairing the damage I received from growing up in a Chaos home and turning my life into something with purpose rather than continued chaos.

It’s much simpler than psychologists would have us believe. I built my Fulfilled Couple marriage course on what therapists and brain scientists know but can’t explain to the rest of us.

I’ve made it possible for both spouses to learn how to eliminate their negative feelings in 60 seconds and become independent of their Chaos Kid programs to make choices that are clearly their own.

In order to make my case, let me share some real-life stories with you.

What follows are the brief summary points of two couples. The Day’s and the Rogers.

The first summary is taken from Mr. Day’s story about his marriage to a Chaos Kid. His wife was raised low on the Chaos side of the scale and their marriage is hopeless and quickly crumbling.

The second summary is taken from Mr. Rogers and his wife’s Jenae’s review of their lives from their Christmas letter to family members. This is an important summary since they were raised in Purpose homes.

Remember that the Purpose home is the one led by reasonable, rational adults with a purpose of raising great kids who become great adults.

A Chaos home is a place that is not set up to nurture or build up children.

Here’s a quick summary of Mr. Day’s marriage to a Chaos Kid…

• We were married for 12 years.
• Wife stated she could not deal with the stress of our 2 children, yet we had a third.
• Our son was born -discovered he had severe birth defects.
• I fell apart - caused me to emotionally withdraw from my wife.
• I had hurt my wife with my withdrawal. –more doctors, more surgeries.
• Wife developed obsessive compulsive traits and anxieties.
• But then wife started to show interest in me –said she needed to keep her man.
• Her anxiety and panic attacks reduced -she needed and received medication.
• She created a support group for Catholic families with children of special needs.
• I was proud of her –I took care of our kids so she could volunteer.
• Then she had to get off of her medication.
• We saw her anxiety and anger return.
• Constantly on her computer from early to late at night.
• Our kids told me mommy spent most of the day on the computer.
• I handled all of the chores at night and spent time with the kids until bed.
• Computer became her life.
• When we came near her room she asked us to leave, hiding the screen.
• She took the computer into the bathroom as well.
• She started going to concerts with female friends - went out 1 or 2 times a week
• She told me she no longer loved me and wanted to separate.
• She stopped going to communion and church - stated that she hated God.
• My wife avoided me completely.
• She did not spend time with the children during the day.
• She went to Europe with girl friends for 2 week vacation.
• On vacation, she said she enjoyed being away from me, realized how much she hated me.
• On return she avoided me - stated I needed to move out –she would file for divorce.
• Our state requires a year of separation- she did not wait.
• She flew to a US territory where a one week stay completed the divorce.
• She was angry, spiteful and verbally abusive to me.
• Her explanation is it’s all my fault because I fell apart when our son was born.
• She lost weight - changed her diet completely -wearing tightest jeans and t-shirts
• She went back to college.
• The kids were put in public schools.
• I cook, clean, care for kids nights and weekends.
• She stated she will be single forever –she thanked me for ruining her life.

Now contrast the Day’s marriage with this…(two adults raised in purpose driven households)

Here’s a quick summary of Geoff and Jenae Rodgers’ marriage – from their family Christmas season letter.

• Jenae quit her job to take over administrative work in our family business.
• She now works full time in our family business as well as part time in dental work.
• We continue to minister to couples all throughout the year.
• It has been exciting to bring hope to struggling marriages.
• We accepted a role with a marriage organization to oversee their video presenter program.
• We’re excited to see how God will use our passion and skills.
• Our kids are in 3rd and 4th grade and enjoying it.
• Kylie sings in the school choir, takes ballet, is doing a program called peer mediator, is doing well in school and excited about everything.
• Our Gabe is doing well in school, involved in student council, represents his 3rd grade class, busy in baseball and soccer.
• Jenae trained all year and ran the Portland Marathon and felt really great about it.
• She was well prepared and finished in her best time yet.
• Geoff and the kids have also been running this fall.
• We hope our family and friends will take time to reflect on the true meaning of the season and enjoy time with family.

The contrast between the Day’s and the Rogers is stark.

The Day’s start out with a normal life, but then troubles begin and the couple has no idea how to stop the grand and traumatic rush into chaos that will affect their children negatively for a lifetime.

Geoff and Jenae Rogers on the other hand, were raised by two sets of reasonable, rational and moral parents. They were raised without extremes that push children’s brain formation to build that Chaos Engine that is unleashed in adult life right when a couple faces major marriage challenges.

What separates the Day’s and the Rogers? It’s not a fluke. It’s a dependable FACT.

Your first ten years determines the health of your marriage.

Throughout my 15 years of working with couples, I have never seen a troubled marriage with two adults who grew up in Purpose Driven homes.

WARNING: This will apply to YOUR children’s lives and marriage as well. If you’re thinking about giving up on your marriage and turning to divorce, this will have a SIGNIFICANT impact on your children’s lives…especially if your children are highly sensitive and emotional.

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If the two of you have been struggling in your marriage for months or even years, a box of chocolates or flowers for your wife won’t cut it when the resentment from an affair or other events in the past are driving a wedge between you.

A loving card with a hand-written note expressing your love for your husband is not the answer to an endless amount of unresolved issues that have caused the two of you to become more like roommates than husband and wife.

If your marriage is a constant uphill “battle”, riddled with confusion, frustration and resentment, I strongly suggest you identify how close your spouse is to “The Point Of No Return”.

My “Point Of No Return” video help you understand the 6 stages ALL unhappy spouses travel before they reach The Point Of No Return.

Because studies have shown that women file about 80% of divorces, I created this video for men, but women will learn a lot from this video too.

The video is just over 8 minutes long, so take a few moments out of your day today to watch the very important message in this video.

Here’s what one man had to say after watching the video:

=====> Discover How Close Your Spouse Is To The Point Of No Return

After you watch the video, there are 2 paths you can take towards restoring your marriage.

1) If your spouse HAS reached The Point Of No Return…

Submit your Second Chance story here and my assistant Kristen will contact you to arrange a complementary 30 minute consultation where you and I can discuss over the phone what happened in your marriage and what you can do about it.

Not everyone has what it takes to save their marriage alone, so we will also discuss whether my Environment Changer program (where individual spouses can save their marriage alone) is right for you.

2) If your spouse has NOT reached The Point Of No Return…

If your spouse has NOT YET reached The Point Of No Return, you need to do something NOW, before it’s too late. So instead of wasting your money on the same old trivial Valentine’s Day gifts like flowers or chocolates, why not show your spouse you’re SERIOUS about restoring your original love and take the first step towards a whole new life?

You can do this through the Marriage 101, the live, 60 minute interactive phone call where the two of you will:

- Gain a sense of NEW HOPE for your formerly hopeless marriage.

(The insights taught within Marriage 101 will give you a new sense of hope for your future together because I will show you, and PROVE to you, that your marriage is not as bad as you might think it is. Rather than attending a marriage counseling session and leaving feeling frustrated and angry, after our call together the two of you will have had FUN together - maybe even for the first time in months.)

- No longer struggle for words to express how you want to be treated.

(Instead of fumbling around searching for words to express how you want your spouse to treat you, Marriage 101’s Flag Page outlines a clear and definite plan on EXACTLY HOW and WHY each of you want to be treated a certain way.)

- SIGNIFICANTLY reduce the amount of arguments in your marriage.

(During our call together, the two of you will discover that very often you are quite literally “stepping on” each others’ ways of succeeding in life! You know WHY you’re offended by something your spouse does or says…but you don’t know why…UNTIL NOW!)

Is Marriage 101 right for everyone?

Marriage 101 is NOT for you if...

Your spouse has filed for divorce and now sees divorce as the only option
You have little to no communication with your spouse and s/he is unwilling to consider saving the marriage as an option

Marriage 101 IS for you if…

The two of you have tried marriage counseling, but ended up more frustrated than ever
You both want to make the marriage work, but just aren’t sure what to do or how to do it
One or both of you have engaged in affairs, but now want to rebuild the trust and fix your marriage

Sign up today at:

http://www.fulfilledcouple.com/marriage101

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Welcome to the 4th and final installment of my “Chaos Kid” series, where we talked with Keldon and Sandra, a couple who actually got divorced…and then REMARRIED- to each other once again!

I hope you’ll listen in while this couple shares the effects of being a Chaos Kid along with their thoughts on the key component of Marriage 101, The Flag Page.

You can listen to the interview right now here:

Or you can download the MP3 file for later listening here.  (Right click > Save As)

If you’re not familiar with the Flag Page, it’s an online tool that is easy and fun to do, but most importantly, results in a true picture of who you really are at heart and what truly motivates you as a person.

When couples read and learn about their spouse’s true motivators and strengths, it leads to a whole new level of understanding each other as you’ll hear during the interview.

Listen in on this final installment of the “Chaos Kid” series as Keldon and Sandra (Sam to her friends) share their story of divorce and remarriage, along with what they learned from the highly popular and effective tool known as the Flag Page.

The Flag Page is a key part of both my Fulfilled Couple program and also my Environment Changer program because of the understanding and acceptance it creates amongst couples.

If Both You and Your Spouse Want To Work Things Out Together…

If you’ve enjoyed this series, and both you and your spouse are serious about working out your differences and restoring your original love, you can sign up for the Fulfilled Couple program, the ONLY program with an 88% success rate and 8 full hours of LIVE support over the phone.

But if you’re not ready for that kind of commitment quite yet, you and your spouse can create your own Flag Pages and have them explained to you during a one hour phone call with one of our Marriage Translators through Marriage 101.

If Your Spouse Is NOT Willing To Participate… 

And finally, if your spouse is not willing to participate and has already asked for or filed for a divorce, you can set up a FREE 30 minute consultation where I will personally help you understand what has happened in your marriage, and what you can do about it through my Second Chance program.

This is the first step all potential Environment Changer students must go through before they can enter this program that helps individual spouses transform themselves from the inside out and eliminate their negative feelings in 60 seconds.

I  hope you’ve enjoyed this series and as always, I welcome any and all feedback about the shows in the comment section of this post.

To a less stressful and more fulfilling marriage,

Larry Bilotta

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Are you ready for Part 3 of my Chaos Kid internet radio series? This time around, we talked with David, one of my Alumni students who once thought his marriage was doomed to end in bitter divorce!

David survived an 8 month separation, a restraining order and some incredibly destructive programming of his own! And to top it off, this was David’s third attempt at marriage.

Was David able to save his marriage? Download the MP3 below or click the play button to find out…

Download the MP3 for later listening here.

As always, if you have any questions for me regarding this series, go ahead and post them right on this page and I would be more than happy to answer them for you.

If you missed part 1 or 2 of this series, you can listen to them here:

Chaos Kid Part 1 and Chaos Kid Part 2

If you’re interested in the program that David and his wife Lori went through, you can learn more about the Fulfilled Couple program here.

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