So Valentine’s Day has come and gone.
Was your Valentine’s Day one you’ll never forget or was it a total disappointment?
As women like to say, men just don’t get women. The reason has more to do with our “love will conquer all” culture – that and the way men are wired.
What IS Valentine’s Day Anyway?
In the past, I’ve gone into great detail about how the misconception of “love” begins in childhood and prepares us to fail in marriage by making us think that “love” will happen all on its own without any effort from us at all.
Many men view Valentine’s Day as simply a day that was created by Hallmark as a way to make money selling cards and other useless knickknacks.
They see Valentine’s Day as nothing more than a scam.
This harsh opinion greatly offends their wives who typically receive so little thoughtfulness throughout the year that they NEED, and in fact look forward to Valentine’s Day.
For the millions of men, Valentine’s Day is the only day of the year that they express thoughtfulness and undivided attention to their wives.
This article is not about Valentine’s Day, but rather the DAYS AFTER Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about the 364 days of the year (aside from other major holidays) when men go back to business as usual.
While “business as usual” may sound like a harsh way to describe a day in the life of a married man or woman, but that is EXACTLY what it becomes when marriages start heading south.
“I guess we just never made time for us.” Is an all too common phrase amongst couples whose marriages have taken a turn for the worst.
“So who DID you make time for? “ I ask them.
They reply that they both made time for their children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends, clubs, schools, churches, causes, missions, hobbies, pets…oh, and of course 50 hours a week for work.
“Now…when was it time for the two of you?” I ask. And of course their answer is “NEVER!”
Want to get off the “wait around all year for Valentine’s Day” bandwagon?
Start learning about your spouses’ Love Language.
This is how you can care for each other EVEN WHEN IT’S NOT VALENTINE’S DAY.
Gary Chapman created this important concept and in fact wrote a book all about it.
In a nutshell, here are the 5 SIMPLE, EASY TO REMEMBER Love Languages.
TIME: you love when your mate gives you their undivided attention.
TALK: You love it when you have long conversations about anything and everything.
TOUCH: You get excited and happy when you can hold hands, get hugs, kisses, intimate, etc.
GIFTS: It thrills you to buy gifts to show your love or to receive gifts that show it.
SERVICE: Your day is made when your mate vacuums the rug, washes the dishes, and provides all the services that say “I love you”.
Now all you need are the simple instructions on how to use your Love Languages.
Here are the steps to making Love Languages last longer than Valentine’s Day.
STEP 1: Look at each of the five languages and pick the one that makes you feel the most loved when you RECEIVE it.
STEP 2: Personalize your Love Language to read in first person. (Example: TIME: you love when your mate gives you their undivided attention, could turn into “Give me your enthusiastic undivided attention whenever we are together.”
STEP 3: Print your spouse’s Love Language to keep in your car, at work, in the bathroom, kitchen, or anywhere you look during the day. Some men and women put them on cell phone screens, computer screens, etc.
STEP 4: Every morning, greet each other by saying your own Love Language first thing, then, once a day, find a way to meet that need on your spouse’s Love Language card. When you give it out, it will come back (that is, if you have not let your marriage degrade to nothing by doing nothing and expecting love in return).
I strongly suggest that you get your own copy of Gary Chapman’s book so you can read all about Your 5 Love Languages.
You can find a link to the book in the lower right hand corner of my marriage resources page here:
http://fulfilledcouple.com/resources.html
I’ve provided a handy reminder card (click on the image above) that you can print out and tape up for each of the 5 Love Languages. If you happen to have Avery sticker label paper for your printer, you can make lots of them in case you want to remember that showing love doesn’t have to happen just once a year.
In closing, make time for your spouse. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Support your spouse’s love languages and your spouse will support yours in turn.
Thanks for reading, I’m Larry Bilotta.
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